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Losing my integrity in the process."Please continue."Not being as completely honest and truthful as I should have been with Nan and the other one."And what specific truths did you withhold? Their dog comes by, distracts everyone for a moment.

John seems a little too grateful."So what truths did you withhold, man? "Ask again."Refusing to take the easy answer is poly in itself, John believes, an effort to push for a deeper connection, so he forces himself to meet the challenge—with a hint of an exhausted marathoner rallying himself at the twenty-fifth mile. She kept calling him on stuff, and he just kept lying." Given the premise of radical honesty and open relationships, all of this was doubly painful, doubly a shock. Maybe because I'm a man, painfully aware of the female gift for manipulating men with emotions, I'm a bit more sympathetic to John. I know right from wrong."But don't things change over time?

You were rejecting the idea of 'There's only one star in the sky.' There are actually many stars in the sky, and for me to be in denial of that is hypocritical; there's a certain part of me that I am withholding from the rest of the world. ' And you go down that rabbit hole." Did I mention he's a lawyer? Neither wants to go into too much detail about all this.

And it goes back to 'Do you have more than one kid? His specialty is bankruptcy, which he loves for the opportunity to plunge into chaos and find order."It was a step outside of the map I had for what family was," he continues, "the blue pill version of family." ("You take the blue pill, the story ends," says a character in . I wasn't particularly attracted to him, but I appreciated him for trying."John won't comment. I can't tell whether they think it's old news or if they're just afraid to rip off the scabs.

They had good jobs, happy kids, a nice house, and a Volvo in the driveway.

And Nan's beatnik parents got upset, too, pointing out how reckless they were being with their children's welfare. And when her husband issued his revenge fax, Lynn chose the side of the sexual outlaws.Because interviewing John and Nan is always a group experience, I've brought along my wife, Kathy, an artist and graphic designer with a very open mind. "That was fucking ."Moving their young lovers into the house, she means.The night is balmy, the air is soft, the birds are singing, the bong is circulating. Nan is laughing about what a long, strange trip it's been. I actually helped move Jen, John's 32-year-old girlfriend, down from Boston in a driving snowstorm.The short answer seems to be as old as marriage itself: He fell in love with another woman."A train wreck in slow motion," he says."The blowback, the self-loathing, all that good stuff.

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